This American Life 375: Bad Bank

I’m hesitant to inject my own dogma into the discussion, as it would probably just end up ruining the intended message of the episode. But this is a blog, right? I’m allowed to whine and moan about my boisterous opinions, that’s why the bots read this monstrosity day in, day out. Nonetheless just go listen to it.

And watch this too. That’ll make it a day full of fun-filled economic disasters!

Just like any town in America numerous churches dot the land where I lay.

For the last few years, the area around one particular church has been filled with medium-sized construction equipment, and for some reason, I never gave it a second thought. Today, I saw that same church with all the scaffolding removed, now donning a gleaming new west wing. It made me sick. Right now, you might be thinking I’m some kind of horned anarchist wishing the worst on the heavenly-inclined. But I’m not. Seriously.

I wouldn’t call myself Christian, [with a capital "C"] but I can dig it. Jesus is tops, and has most certainly been a role-model in my life, and as far as God, I’m not convinced he sports a beard and lightning bolts [he's thinking of Zeus] but the idea of a higher power, greater than we can understand, aligns right up with science and the whole 99.9% of the Electromagnetic Spectrum that we humans can’t sense.

Now that I’ve got you soft and fuzzy again, this is precisely why these remodeled Churches piss me off. Every-time I pass one of these new holy remodeling projects, I think to myself: “Boy, this is exactly what Jesus would do, isn’t it? WRONG!” Jesus stood for selfless unchecked compassion for his fellow man in need. You can’t argue with that can you? Well, you probably can, so cite your scripture and move along, but if not, I’ll boil it down even further. If churches have these missions that are into helping the hungry and third world nations, then why are they putting all this money into picture-frame windows and bigger rooms for their after-church coffee?

Look. I know that churches grow, and a great deal of their appeal and function is to serve the community as a micro-community, so maybe these expansions are necessary to facilitate the churches growth. But really these church-wings are just the tip of of my disgust for the modern Christian church. The real evil is in this new kind of evangelism, specifically tele-evangelism.

Tele-evangelism is the most putrid, filthy, greedy, sickening single act I have ever witnessed.

In fact, as I think about striking my first blow on the business [it is a business] it feels a bit like I’m just throwing another stone and a barn. Yet the barn stands, and so should we. [Prepare for some hyperbole] Tele-evangelism is the most putrid, filthy, greedy, sickening single act I have ever witnessed. On so many levels, these evangelists get fat on the poor and weak throwing their false faith and bottled hope to the masses. Spirituality is a very powerful thing which makes people very easy to manipulate, especially in large groups. I’ll tune into these bronzed profits [spelling for pun's sake] with their state-of-the-art microphones growing from their earlobes spitting and sweating at a stadium filled with patrons and often times laugh. Which may seem to be somewhat of an inconsistent reaction, but what else am I supposed to do? I guess… write this rant.

Ok. Forget the scandals, the eye-makeup-laden wives, the behind the scenes debauchery, the fleecing of good God-fearing citizens. Forget all that. Not for long though, but I’m going to get to the heart of the matter. Beyond all the evil shit that these blowhards pull off, their very existence is founded solely on sin. They take the Lord’s name in vain.

In vain ~
In a disrespectful manner, especially when concerning religion.
~ Wikitionary

For their own completely selfish motives, they tout the name of God around on the back of a tour bus, through the speakers of a head-mounted microphone into the unwashed ears of the public; in vain. And worse, for profit. But why else would they do that, really? As a youngster, I used to think that crying out [or typing out] “God damn it!” violated that respective commandment. Not so. Using God’s name for your own greedy purposes aligns much more closely with “worshiping false prophets,” and other damning sins, than a knee-jerk reaction to a stubbed toe. ["God damn it'"]

I’m not sure what to do about all of this, but maybe, if you’re a member of a church, or better yet, are in a position of religious power, perhaps you could follow the example of Jesus next time you consider the destination of your coffers. Help those who need it most, and ask nothing in return. That’s how you change the world.

As for the tele-evangelists… well, I’m not sure what to tell them either, those guys are as morally bankrupt as the entire cast of Enron. Otherwise, for extra credit, check out this podcast from This American Life. Response papers are worth up to 10 points in the comments section.

Now that is my kind of church.