Kurt Steiner, World Record holder for stone skipping. Watch him in all his magnificent glory, performing his single-purpose on this Earth, then walk off like it’s just another day.
Kurt even has a site. He’s plugged in! He’s promoting his trade to children, feeding the people, saving lives! Thanks Kurt!
Pretty sweet. He’s one of us!
What is the deal with Ford escorts and their obese drivers/owners? Fat guy in a little coat/car. I don’t get it.
I don’t really know the syntax for a screenplay, but I imagine this will suffice. I thought this up while driving through a rainy night on the interstate. I hope it cracks a smile.
[Weatherman doing his thing in front o' the weather]
Weatherman: “It was a sticky one out there today, Jan, you’re right, But tomorrow it looks like we’ll have this high pressure system coming in from the west giving us a 30% chance of rain across the state.”
[FADE OUT]
[Scene opens on a group of non-descript folk in a parking lot]
Folk 1: “I thought there was a chance of rain? Look at this.” [Looks upward in dismay]
Folk 2: “Wish I didn’t bring my umbrella…”
Folk 1: “Yea, that’s annoying. Well what other errands do we-”
[FADE OUT]
[Weatherman doing his thing in front o' the weather: DAY 2]
Weatherman: “Thanks Jan. Well, today you may have noticed a bit more sun, as your emails would suggest, but there _were_ scattered showers across the state. Looks like tomorrow we’re looking at more of the same though, mostly sunny with some clouds here and there. Go out and enjoy it!”
[FADE OUT]
[Scene opens on a couple golfers in their cart]
Golfer 1: “Yea, great idea Jack. If I wanted to play in a swimmi-”
Golfer 2: “Oh you sonofa-; it’s that damned Craig Stewart on channel 7! He said-”
Golfer 1: “Guldamn weathermen. Quacks. All of ‘em. Just crazed witch doctor’s in suits with too much make-up and hairge-”
[FADE OUT]
[Weatherman sitting at the desk]
Weatherman: “Yes Jan. Ok it rained. Let’s just take a minute, sit right here and talk things out before I go over there to peer into our weather-future. I’ve spent all morning reading through viewer feedback, station policy, and I want to stress something about this science. It’s a generalization. I can’t pinpoint your little ho’boken towns and tell you that your little family reunion picnic is going to get poured on. What I can do is give the most people, the best report.”
[Camera changes, now doing his thing: Day 3]
Weatherman: “Alright. Now to the weather. Looks like it’s going to be a blustery one, in the mid 50s all day, with winds up to twent-”
[FADE OUT]
[Scene opens on a family in the park, with a dog]
Dad: “Well, I guess the kite isn’t going to fly afterall Jimmy, I’m sorry, the weatherman said-”
Jimmy: “Nooooooo! But Dad, it’s my birthday! I want to fly the kite!”
Dad: “I know son, it’s not fair. I’ll have that Craig Stewart’s a- err, we’ll send him our two cents.”
Jimmy: “Yea! Email!”
[FADE OUT]
[Weatherman doing his thing: Day 4]
Weatherman: “Ahuh. Yea. Look. I’m not here to please you, I’m here to do a job. Ok, so Liberty county didn’t get much wind. Who cares?! It’s wind! Man, you don’t go flapping around like this during tornado season do you? No. Because lives are at stake! But you have to have your ki-”
Jan [Nervous]: “Haha, ok Craig. Thanks for that report, looks like tomorrow mid 70s and clear skies.”
[FADE OUT]
[Scene opens on utopian-like group of folks, grilling out, loving life, flying kites, playing golf and going shopping]
Folk 1: “Thanks dad! You’re the best!”
Folk 2: “Man, what weather! Couldn’t ask for a better day.”
Folk 3: “I’m cured! The cancer’s gone Dave! It’s gone!”
Folk 4[Dave]: “Oh, I love you, this is the best day ev-”
[FADE OUT]
[Weatherman doing his thing: Day 5]
[Weatherman silent, standing in front of the moving graphics, boiling, hotter and hotter]
Weatherman: “Bahhhh! This puppet Jan Finkerstall! You’re going to send HER your [bleep]-ing fan mail?! You [bleep]-ing idiots! I’m a professional damnit! Anyone can get luck- eeeeeeeeee.”
[The weatherman stops suddenly, clutching his left arm and then heart. Has a heart attack and collapses]
[FADE OUT]
[Scene opens on a funeral, windy and raining]
Pastor: “Everyone here?”
[Pastor scans for a quick inventory of the mourners]
Pastor: “Good thing we brought umbrellas. Thanks Jan.”
[FADE OUT]
[END SCENE]